Dealing with my Depression One Day At A Time
So let me rewind my life remote and give you and explanation on why I want to start this blog. About 2 months ago on a Friday night, i started feeling like i couldn't breathe. My whole body started shaking and I just could calm myself down. So i had my boyfriend ( well call him DH ) rush me down the the hospital and they explained to me that i was having a panic attack. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, I asked the nurse. They hooked me up to an oxygen tank and gave me some medicine called Atavin and i was able to calm down enough to go home. Before leaving the nurse told me that i had nothing to worry about and this happens and I should be fine in the morning.
Well the next day i woke up with the same feelings all over again and in the afternoon, I couldn't stand the feelings anymore i had DH rush me back to the hospital for them to tell me that it was the same problem i was having yesterday and i needed to learn to breathe better. I personally felt the nurse was a bit of an asshole, but at the time they were dealing with 2 teenagers that had bigger problems so i can understand his frustration. So again the doctors gave me atavin and sent me on my way. Luckily for me they gave me a prescription for Atvain to last until Monday, when I could actually go visit my doctor and really deal with the problem.
If you have ever taken Atavin before, than you know that stuff makes you tired, groggy and you just don't feel like you. So when i told me doctor what they gave me, he kind of freak ( a little ) and recommend that i go on some "happy pills" and the lowest dose of Xanax they had to get me back to feeling like a regular human being again. The first week i took the pills, it was hard on myself and my family because I didn't have any motivation to do anything or really eat anything.
Finally i talked to my mother and I found out that depression and panic attacks actually run in my family. Both my mother and grandmother, dealt with it around the same age I am now. So that gave me hope that I could overcome this and finally feel "normal" again. After talking to the both of them, it made me take a look at my life and what could be causing my problems and there was more than i could count.
1. I was lazy and unsocial.
2. I was not eating right ( JUNK FOOD JUNKIE)
3. I didn't really have a good support system because my mom lives 2 hours away and at the time i didn't feel very close to DH's family.
4. DH & I, are really meant to be together and because he works 3rd shift I never see him.
5. I spend all my time with a 3 year old crazy child that wants to send me to the nuthouse. She has more energy than any kid i know.
6. I was spending way to much time on the internet just browsing and ignoring all my responsibilities, being selfish is the best way to describe it.
7. I was becoming addicted to reading romance novels and getting lost in them because I wasn't getting what i needed at home.
8. Did i mention that I'm a junk food junkie, picky eater is more like it.
So after looking at all of those problems and talking to my mom and sister, i decided to change myself. I kept telling myself that no one can make me happy, I have to make myself happy if I really want to change. So after dealing with the depression and anxiety for 3 weeks, I decided that big changes were in order and this time i needed to stick to them in order for me to get better. I went on a few depression chat rooms and i had a bunch of people mention that if i liked writing so much that maybe i should start writing a blog to get my feelings out and to hopefully meet some new people that i can actually connect with.
So now that you know the reason i'm writing this blog, I hope that this will start to help me out and truly make me better. I'm tired of being the lazy, shy, unsocial person. Before i had my daughter i was a social butterfly getting out there and doing whatever i could because you only live once. So maybe now that she is a little older i can start doing those things again and bring her along for the ride.
So if anyone out there has any ideas on how to help please feel free to share them with me or if you just want to talk, i'm here also. So thanks for thanks for taking the time read this and hopefully by next year, there will be a whole new Nickcole, with no medicine required.
